Nine more days before I take the GRE Advance Subject Test (Psychology). Needless to say, I am starting to have panic attacks. Technically, I have not seriously prepared for it. Being a "crammer" all my student life, I guess old habits are hard to change. I have been fighting the complacency and forcing myself to read materials for the test. The thing is I need to ace the exam so that I could make it to good universities in the US and eventually get some teaching assistantship.
People who found out that I plan to take doctoral studies in psychology often always ask me why I have to still take further studies. But why not? I have made it to MA, might as well get a doctoral degree. So last June, I resigned from the university since I told myself that I would use the free time to prepare (who was I kidding?!) for the GRE General and Suject Test . Math has always been my waterloo and the last time I had math subjects was almost 10 years ago. And being out of school for two years, I feel that I have become "rusty". Hence I rationalized my resigning for work as something I needed to do for the GRE.
I did have a lot of free time on my hands after giving up 2 projects (field research and writing projects) BUT I have not utilized it wisely. Although I told myself I was not going to cram, I guess as the cliché goes, time flies! (so fast).
And so here I am. With nine days to go, I am starting to be anxious. Strangely enough, I actually need this feeling of anxiety. I think it is healthy in minimal doses since it always makes me roll up my sleeves and get down to serious business. I tend deliver more when I feel the pressure is mounting. And oftentimes, I find myself churning out better work when "pushed to the wall" than if I had a long time to prepare it. (But maybe because the only time I work is when I am already at almost deadline time:).
Paradoxical? I guess not. In times of stress, the sympathetic nervous system triggers the release of adrenaline(I read that somewhere in my prep book). The adrenaline is both a neurotransmitter and a hormone that regulates the body's "fight or flight response. This could explain why a small frail woman caught in fire was able to push the piano out of her house and carry out various appliances! (It's a true story that I read in the news some time ago. . .)
In my case, taking the GRE exams is the stressor - and before, my response was to avoid it (flight). But now that I have only 9 days to go (of which half would be devoted to work - I do need the income since I have given up projects. .. .), I really have no choice but to face it (fight) and deal with it by studying.
I think this could explain why some people develop the habit of cramming. When you feel pressured, the sudden rush of adrenaline gives you a natural high, keeps you in a certain state of vigilance (depending on the type of stress you encounter) and focus. This is precisely what I need right now, sort of a sugar or caffeine fix but in a more sustained manner.
So how do I get to focus? One is to think of the $150 I spent for the GRE Subject Test registration and the $170 for the GRE General Test. Living in a third world country, that is quite a sum, considering I still have to enlist for the TOEFL (maybe another $150 or so). Thinking of all that money going to waste if I fail the tests is quite an anxiety booster for me. The real challenge now is to channel that anxiety in a positive way - and that is by heading for the books!
People who found out that I plan to take doctoral studies in psychology often always ask me why I have to still take further studies. But why not? I have made it to MA, might as well get a doctoral degree. So last June, I resigned from the university since I told myself that I would use the free time to prepare (who was I kidding?!) for the GRE General and Suject Test . Math has always been my waterloo and the last time I had math subjects was almost 10 years ago. And being out of school for two years, I feel that I have become "rusty". Hence I rationalized my resigning for work as something I needed to do for the GRE.
I did have a lot of free time on my hands after giving up 2 projects (field research and writing projects) BUT I have not utilized it wisely. Although I told myself I was not going to cram, I guess as the cliché goes, time flies! (so fast).
And so here I am. With nine days to go, I am starting to be anxious. Strangely enough, I actually need this feeling of anxiety. I think it is healthy in minimal doses since it always makes me roll up my sleeves and get down to serious business. I tend deliver more when I feel the pressure is mounting. And oftentimes, I find myself churning out better work when "pushed to the wall" than if I had a long time to prepare it. (But maybe because the only time I work is when I am already at almost deadline time:).
Paradoxical? I guess not. In times of stress, the sympathetic nervous system triggers the release of adrenaline(I read that somewhere in my prep book). The adrenaline is both a neurotransmitter and a hormone that regulates the body's "fight or flight response. This could explain why a small frail woman caught in fire was able to push the piano out of her house and carry out various appliances! (It's a true story that I read in the news some time ago. . .)
In my case, taking the GRE exams is the stressor - and before, my response was to avoid it (flight). But now that I have only 9 days to go (of which half would be devoted to work - I do need the income since I have given up projects. .. .), I really have no choice but to face it (fight) and deal with it by studying.
I think this could explain why some people develop the habit of cramming. When you feel pressured, the sudden rush of adrenaline gives you a natural high, keeps you in a certain state of vigilance (depending on the type of stress you encounter) and focus. This is precisely what I need right now, sort of a sugar or caffeine fix but in a more sustained manner.
So how do I get to focus? One is to think of the $150 I spent for the GRE Subject Test registration and the $170 for the GRE General Test. Living in a third world country, that is quite a sum, considering I still have to enlist for the TOEFL (maybe another $150 or so). Thinking of all that money going to waste if I fail the tests is quite an anxiety booster for me. The real challenge now is to channel that anxiety in a positive way - and that is by heading for the books!
No comments:
Post a Comment