Are you in an inter-facial marriage? Yes, you heard it right -- "interfacial", a term that I read from an article in the Time Magazine (July 2007). According to the author, you are in an "interfacial" marriage if your spouse is not within your level of looks or "hotness" category. She calls this the "last taboo" and to further elaborate, she provided examples of famous couples with such a union such as: Donald and Melania Trump, Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, and so forth. To put it bluntly, in an interfacial marriage, one's partner is a lot more good-looking than the other (at least from the perspective of people around them).
Which brings me to a discussion of beauty and physical attraction. What makes a person beautiful?
Although physical beauty is probably the strongest basis for initial attraction, whether or not we end up in a relationship with someone is largely determined by our similarity towards one another. Physical appearance is but one aspect of what makes a person beautiful to others, and what we find physical attractive is very subjective and highly influenced by a lot of factors: biology, socialization, values, and culture. Furthermore, we look for someone who could meet most of our needs - regardless of the fact that the person may or may not be "as attractive" as we are.
Social psychologists propose that there are three aspects of attraction:
a) Person's Attractiveness - aspects of a person that we find attractive
b) Propinquity/Proximity - functional space or distance i.e. we often end up liking people that we frequently work with or spend time with.
c) Similarity - when we perceive others are more similar to us, we end up being attracted to them more.
Hence why we end up being with our partners is a result of the inter-play of the above three factors.
Now going back to the Time magazine article. It is obvious that the essay is a shallow attempt to make light of the author's own insecurities perhaps since she claims she is in an interfacial marriage herself. Personally, I think this creates more stereotypes and labels that prevent us from seeing people for their complete worth. This article unfortunately perpetuates and sadly reinforces the notion that public perceptions and judgment are very important even when it comes to your personal choices in life.
So what if you are in an interfacial, inter-religion, inter-racial (and what have you) marriage? What is important is it is a choice you have made and you are happy with it. What the public thinks does not really matter.
But you already know that. . . don't you?
Which brings me to a discussion of beauty and physical attraction. What makes a person beautiful?
Although physical beauty is probably the strongest basis for initial attraction, whether or not we end up in a relationship with someone is largely determined by our similarity towards one another. Physical appearance is but one aspect of what makes a person beautiful to others, and what we find physical attractive is very subjective and highly influenced by a lot of factors: biology, socialization, values, and culture. Furthermore, we look for someone who could meet most of our needs - regardless of the fact that the person may or may not be "as attractive" as we are.
Social psychologists propose that there are three aspects of attraction:
a) Person's Attractiveness - aspects of a person that we find attractive
b) Propinquity/Proximity - functional space or distance i.e. we often end up liking people that we frequently work with or spend time with.
c) Similarity - when we perceive others are more similar to us, we end up being attracted to them more.
Hence why we end up being with our partners is a result of the inter-play of the above three factors.
Now going back to the Time magazine article. It is obvious that the essay is a shallow attempt to make light of the author's own insecurities perhaps since she claims she is in an interfacial marriage herself. Personally, I think this creates more stereotypes and labels that prevent us from seeing people for their complete worth. This article unfortunately perpetuates and sadly reinforces the notion that public perceptions and judgment are very important even when it comes to your personal choices in life.
So what if you are in an interfacial, inter-religion, inter-racial (and what have you) marriage? What is important is it is a choice you have made and you are happy with it. What the public thinks does not really matter.
But you already know that. . . don't you?
1 comment:
Great analysis. You inspired me to trust my choices and to believe in myself.
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